WHY AM I SO BLLAAAHHHH

Seriously I feel like this happens every winter- no I know this happens every winter.. I need to be outdoors or I get nutty. And by nutty I mean MEAN to my husband!! and just regular nutty too.  And its only been a few days/weeks of coldness!  So I just read Erin’s blog about needing to get out running again and it’s funny because just last night as I huffed and puffed (for no reason) while climbing into bed and Andy asked what wrong I said ‘I am mad, and I don’t know why, but I really need to run and maybe we should buy a treadmill or do SOMETHING because I’m crazy.’ 

so at least I’m not the only one!  I’ve been trying to do weird kickboxing and running in place and the Wii during naptime but it’s not the same as being out in the world where however far you go… you still have to make your way back! and you’re not in your living room, you’re out in the world with fresh air!!

the less I am active the less motivated I am to be active- so its time to SUCK IT UP and quit bitching and just do it. geeez

my 12k trail run

i had the best time ever!!! i was very nervous about if i could do it (just remembering miracle miles and DYING!) and this was longer than that.  but i’ve been running awhile now and felt much more prepared and informed and it definately paid off.  i’ve never thought that it is that important- all the prep and things that people do to prepare for these runs.  i never was into the gel things and shoes and clothes and water bottles, hey this is running right? don’t you just run?  but obviously i was wrong!  it does matter once you get into longer distances! 

so all week i tried to drink plenty of water, eat kinda ok (although noelle your bridal shower did me in with all those sweets!)  but mostly i’ve been running as often as i couldwhich reallly isnt much, i got the cool waist water bottle thing, ate a proper breakfast, and had the gel electrolite snack things, and slept good.  (weird that taking care of your body makes you perform better! ;)

but i felt great and really liked the trail part of it!  the first half was more like hiking, and I liked that so many people were not running.  you really couldnt run it was too steep.  but it’s a different kind of energy that you use, so when it came time to go back down the hill, i was bookin it!  i pretty much just let my hips go and made sure my feet kept up with my momentum.  so it took hardly any energy to do the last 3 miles.  and 3 miles is alot!! when i got to the finish line i honestly think i could have done the whole thing over again. 

this was a great ego booster for me too.  i honestly did not think that i could do long distance running.  AND FOR THE RECORD… i still think that a 12k is long distance- just cuz you crazies run marathons and ultra marathons has been making me feel like 8 miles is crappy!! but its not!! its far!!  so now i know i can do it and maybe once wedding season slows down i can try for something a little longer.  i still dont know if thats where i want to focus my time. for now i am very excited that i can do a 12k trail run. yay!

i love little jack-jack

Last week was wild!! 3 weddings, a sick husband, that’s enough to vouch for a crazy mama right?!  No matter what, I can just look at jack and be ok.  He has given me a reason to slow down, focus, and try to enjoy life- regardless how busy i get.  The workload is still there and will be for the rest of summer and into fall.  I love my work and I love my job and can’t imagine doing anything else, but wont lie… it is a lot of work!! and a lot of organizing and planning and coordinating. 

 

One thing that I don’t ever want is for that to come between me and my family.  So Andy, you usually get brushed aside but I’m working on it!!  And Jackson, you will never get brushed aside no matter what, it’s impossible for me to do that.  I will always stop and let you show me things, I will stop to read you a book, I will stop to make you a real lunch.  You are the best thing that ever happened to me and daddy.

 

So now is the time that I have to make sure that the work gets done, and the family gets the attention that they deserve.  Jackson makes it easy cuz he’s so cute and squishy and silly.  Although he can be a real piece of crap sometimes, it’s still cute right now and Andy and myself try hard not to laugh when he’s naughty!  (example- he threw a dinner mint across the table at a restraunt last night and it just so happened to land in my glass of wine :) nice shot jack!)  In a couple years I might have a very different blog about that!  it wont be cute or funny anymore so live it up little dude! haha! 

 

Jack is just so great and is making Andy and me really make a special effort to do ‘family’ things, and I love that.  So thank you jack for being so radical! 

body image issues

i want to know WHO the jerk is who invented negative body images because i’m going to kick his fanny.  i have been thinking about this for over a week now.. why do women think they are fat/flabby/ugly/whatever????  it is driving me nuts!!!

i have decided that there are two reasons-

1.  society has programmed into our brains the supermodel image (totally unrealistic, but probably leads to the latter…)

2.  society has programmed that loving your body is not normal and only megasluts show their stuff off. and to be respectable you need to hide it.

now don’t get me wrong- i don’t think that i am some model hottie and perfectly toned lady- but i don’t think i’m fat or ugly!  and in no way am i saying that we all should be walking around the supermarket with a gnarly mid-drift or bootie shorts.  but what about the times when it is appropriate??? at the beach, the lake, your own backyard- or running 3 miles up and down hills in 90 degree heat.  even then its still not ‘ok’ to skimp on the clothes. 

all (all of you, every single one) of my friends are gorgeous and have their own beautiful traits and should be so proud of how they look and know that NONE OF US would look at them weird or think less of them in any way if they went to the beach in a bikini.  if anything most would be jealous that one had the guts to do it.  NEWSFLASH it shouldn’t take guts!! YOU LOOK GOOD DONT BE SCARED! so you’re not perfect- but you are all damn close!  so take off your shirts!!

one day, that will be here sooner than we all know… we will be 70 years old, and really will be flabby and totally should not let it all hang out- and you will look back at pictures and think- “i was sooooo beautiful, and didn’t even know.  everybody told me and i didn’t listen.  I did have a perfect body! damn i looked good!”

I don’t have a perfect body image and struggle too, but i am comfortable with who i am.  i eat ok (not perfect but i kinda try) i get exercise (not as much as i should but i try), i have a life and i want to enjoy it!  so live it up ladies- none of us are gross in anyway and i just want you to love yourselves as much as I love you. :)

running?

i absolutely love running. and i need it too. not for fitness but for mental health! when i dont get out in the fresh air and do something- anything- that physically pushes me really hard i get grumpy and mean. not to the world of course... i am very good at being fun and polite in any situation. but it gets me at home where i am the most comfortable and around the people that i love the most. and that just isnt right- shouldnt i be grumpy and mean to people i dont care about?!

i have the nicest, most loving husband and the cutest little baby in the whole world. they deserve a wife and mommy that is patient and ready for fun. not a lady that will put on a smile for everyone but them. just ask andy! when i dont get out for just one week- he will straight up tell me "you need to run or surf". and thats when i know that im being a jerk for no reason.

so i joined running grrrl running team (runninggrrrl.com) and it has helped keep me in check. the love and support and knowing ladies are in the same boat as me is unexplainably radical. i was very gung-ho at first (not to say that that has deminished at all..) but now i feel so much better that i want to get back to the orriginal athletic outlets that i loved. (surfing, snowboarding, wakeboarding, building stuff) running will always be there- but for now i will get realistic about what i thought i wanted regarding running long distance runs.

i mean that a couple months ago i was bound and determined to run a half marathon because i know that i can. now i have come to realize that i cant train properly for that and dont want to make the time. it is a tough choice because i am very competitive and usually want to be the best at everything i do and dont settle until i am- but running 5 and 10k's are amazing for me! i am proud that i can do those! i want to be able to divide my spare time and be able to run, surf, garden, build stuff, AND teach jackson all the things that andy and i love. being a wifey, mom of a 1 year old, and owning and operating a successfull business doesnt leave tons of time so every minute is precious. so although i may not be doing any marathons- i will be kicking ass at all kinds of cool shit.

sidenote- i don't want this in any way to discourage other women from training. i have (and always have had) lots of hobbies so this is the choice that works for me and my life, but i will be 100% behind anyone and everyone that has dreams of long distance running and hope they dont ever stop trying until they reach their goal. when it gets hard and you get tired i hope you keep going and remember your first thoughts about what you wanted the outcome to be. its hard for me to accept that i cant be a professional at every sport and afer 26 years i have realized that- i either have to pick one and thats the only one- or do many and just be in it for the fun. so i am choosing many.

my first blog!!

i have put this off for soooo long!

so i don't know if im getting bored or maybe more interesting and have fun things to talk about now! my husband (andy ralph) is amazing, and my son (jackson ralph) is also the cuted little tiny man in the world. jack is 13 months old, walking all over and getting in as much trouble as he possibly can.

theres also two doggies- gunnie (awesome and radical!) and lucy (ok)